That night

It was Dec 18, I was on the 6pm shift. The day started with a murder, police shootout and a fallen 5 feet tree.

Then I received another information, on a murder at Cheras. While I was on the way, sources said it was actually an accident, not a murder and nobody was badly injured.

It was close to 1am, Dec 19, so I made up my mind to buy some porridge since I was on a mild flu, ordered a set of Double Cheese Burger for Abang since I know he was on night shift as well and I drove home.

At home I turned on the latest series of the Carrie Diaries and had the porridge while watching it.

Halfway through the porridge, I heard doorbells. Multiple times. I sighed, telling myself it must be Abang, forgetting to bring his keys again.

So I thought, I'll wait for him to call. Since I always told him to call instead of pressing the bell. Then I heard Ayah woke up and opened the door. I heard Abang's name, I heard Shafiqh and I heard Ayah asking the guy who he was.

That's it.

Then I heard crying.

I decided to go out, I saw the guy outside. I heard Ayah and Ibu in their room. I had no idea what to do. 

Then I went into their room and asked what was wrong. Ayah said Abang had an accident, when I asked how is he now. He cried and said Abang dah meninggal.

I refused to believe. I went out, met the guy and interrogate him. He gave me numbers to call. None of them, gave me the exact information except asking me to go to the scene.

While I was ready to go, I received a call from my night editor that night, Naj. He never called, but at that night he called to ask about the Cheras case. I explained I was  misinformed, and he asked me where I was. And that was it. He was the first person I broke the news to.

I drove my parents there, but I know it will be a bad move to bring them to the scene. Having to deal with these things all the time for my job, I know very well how an accident scene looked like. And I never want them to see it.

I drove slowly. Allah answered my prayers, Noh called and told Ayah to go straight to the hospital since the police has brought Abang there.

So we went straight there, straight to the forensic. Where I usually went to look for the family members of the deceased, to get some statements from them. Heh.

I saw the truck, I saw the black plastic still in it, I saw policemen. My parents went straight inside. I, looked for the IO.

The policemen pointed to some guy, and the guy gave me some basic information and pointed me to another guy in black. Bloody hell, the first guy was not the IO.

The IO was busy talking, so I just stayed where I was while my parents were consoling each other. It was just three of us at that time while Shen was on his way.

When they were going to hand in the body to the hospital, they needed one of the family members to be there. I went.

I saw him, my dearest brother. Laying there covered in blood, lifeless.

I swear at that time, I was sad but how God has made me so numb to go through the night when nobody else has arrived yet. 

After a while, the IO approached me. He said Ayah and Ibu was not in the right state to talk so he needed me.

We exchanged business cards. He found out I'm a crime journalist. I told him how funny it was that I had been covering death and accidents all this while and tonight (that night) it was my own brother's.

He said, you know what Hani, I faced similar situation before, I lost a younger sister in a crash when she was hit by a bus.

Then he changed subjects, relating to the incident. He asked me whether it was okay for him to show me the sketches of the scene. I said of course. He showed me the sketches, explained where Abang was and all.

*When he told me where he was, I know Abang was not supposed to be there since it was not a part of his job scope.

He then brought me into a discussion room, where he filled the details and photostated Abang's ic.

I smiled when I saw the ic's bad condition, since I know Abang wanted to change the ic but I guess his time is up.

The IO caught me smiling.

"Seriously Hani, you are too calm.
"And I meant it as a compliment," he said.

So I told him about the ic story and I said I had no choice but to forget my sadness for a while, at least until someone else is there for my parents.

Then I asked him how did his parents took it when his sister was taken away. He said they were calm but he was not.

I saw pain and anger in his eyes, then he told me the driver (he referred him as bastard) was put into two years of prison, and until now he still could not bring himself to visit the sister's grave.  

Since we had something in common, talking to him was a breeze, and I appreciated how he respected my request to not kacau my parents unless no one else can handle the matter.

Which was the post-mortem. I had no power on that, and I had to call Dad to get his signature. By that time Abang Izral's family and Mummy was already there.

After approaching Ayah, I broke down. I could no longer hold my tears.

It feels like God has took away the numbness, and I was able to feel again.

*Later I found out that Abang has dropped the workers there, and there was a fallen cone so he came out to help keeping the cone straight.

That's it. A help that claimed his life.

Dec 21
Aliff told me the news was aired on Ntv7. I texted Kak Ina, asking if she went to the scene of an accident at Sungai Buloh on Dec 19.

She said yes and sent two pictures of the body, then she asked me kenapa syg. I couldn't blame her for directly sending the pictures since we reporters only ask other people on some incidents to get story.

So I said Itu Abang saya, Kak. She said some prayers and told me if she knew it was my family members she would never publish it.

I told her it was okay, I understood the nature of this line. However I begged her to send me the full video of the scene, I wanted to know, I wanted to see him.

She did, she emailed me the video and she told me she had sent the information regarding the crash to night reporters but for some reasons, the information did not get through the usual whatsapp group.

Maybe it was a way of how God has protected me.

I was on duty at that night, if I had received the information through the csi group, and went to the scene.. I have no idea what would have happened.

For this, I blame myself, for thinking no reporters get the information and did not do anything on it, making his death a news material.